i found my escape

things are still sorta mehish but i mean it is what it is. my mom had finally called my grandma cause shes tired of the tension. but its still there and grandma still hasn't called on her own will. she did call today to leave a message about the estate sale. not that it matters she had such an attitude. i don't care about the estate sale. why would i? i don't care about the money i don't get it anyways.  i dunno i just will never understand her. and why she always has to say things with such an attitude. apparently shes on the "black list" with most of the family and  she figures if she doesn't talk she can't get in trouble. she has also said something about donating all her stuff to red cross so no one can fight over it when shes gone. but shes the only one that was fighting over the stuff. who knows what is wrong with her. oi. it gives me a headache.

haven't done anything with the pictures yet which is probably better. cause its so stressful. one thing at a time. and my mom and i have been getting so full of anxiety lately with all of that its better to just step back and not do it at the moment. its almost too much to handle.

that said i've been doing a lot better. and the boy and i have been fighting so much less. we've had a really good week i think. we went on adventures to the fremont market. we went to brickcon which is a lego expo basically. went to pike place market and took  a lot of pictures. on wednesday after i was off. we went adventuring again! we are so into photography right now. i just got a digital slr and so i have been playing around with it. i don't know much about any of it right now but i like to take pictures and that click when you take a picture is SO satisfying haha. i'm such an idiot but i love it.

i got to read again, which is good cause i need that as an escape sometimes. it calms me. plus i have a HUGE pile of review books. oh boy but this oen i started yesterday i'm whipping through. its so amazing. i also have a lot of review posts to write. but again life has been insane. i feel like i have had no time at allt his week. which is true. this and last week were busy for watching the kids. i think next week will be like that too. which is good cause its money but its also exhausting. yesterday i almost fell asleep. true one was napping but still boy i was so exhausted. but its a fun job. so i guess i can't complain. callies new phrase is "oh that is so CUTE!" and she said "for goodness sake amy" the other day haha the kid cracks me up. 2 year olds are so fun.

also went to church sunday and it wasn't bad. i actually feel a lot bettr about things now. they are changing but in a better way and its good cause the person i was super apprehensive about running things isn't running it anymore.

also the boy needs prayer we need to find him a job asap money is running out and unemployment is being a goober cause the slimy boss of his is disputing his claim and ugh its just a huge mess. and i'm stressed but at least we aren't fighting.

anyways i should go write my other entries and go through my millions of pictures i took. goood times.

Book Review - Solitary by Travis Thrasher

have you ever been scared? how about lonely? how about in the crazy scary woods? did you like the adventure? well this might be the book for you. this combines all of that plus some spirituality and a whole bunch of mystery and confusion. Solitary is the name of the book but is also the name of the town in the book, set in north carolina. it follows a mixture of characters. the main one is chris and the other is a girl. typical huh? but really it takes you places you wouldn't have thought. and honestly this is a really fast read even if it is 400 pages long. i haven't been reading much since my family stuff started. which is a good and bad thing. mostly bad but i found so much peace in just sitting to read a book. really took my mind off things. but this was such a fast read haha it was basically over as soon as i started it. here is the description i hope you will pick it up Solitary: A Novel (Solitary Tales Series)

"His Loneliness Will Soon Turn to Fear….

When Chris Buckley moves to Solitary, North Carolina, he faces the reality of his parents’ divorce, a school full of nameless faces—and Jocelyn Evans. Jocelyn is beautiful and mysterious enough to leave Chris speechless. But the more Jocelyn resists him, the more the two are drawn together.

Chris soon learns that Jocelyn has secrets as deep as the town itself. Secrets more terrifying than the bullies he faces in the locker room or his mother’s unexplained nightmares. He slowly begins to understand the horrific answers. The question is whether he can save Jocelyn in time.

This first book in the Solitary Tales series will take you from the cold halls of high school to the dark rooms of an abandoned cabin—and remind you what it means to believe in what you cannot see..."

Book Review - A Memory Between Us by Sarah Sundin

I read the book before this as a look into the series. and i really liked that one but i couldn't get through this one unfortunately. it just was pretty boring to me. it made me sad that they didn't follow the previous characters. but i dunno if that went on later in the book. i couldn't get into this at all. i hope other people will love it. but i just couldn't do it. it may be my constant jumping from book to book but i dunno. i couldn't finish it. it did make me pretty sad cause i was excited to read/review it. but it happens. can't like every book i guess.

well here is the description of  Memory Between Us, A: A Novel (Wings of Glory). also a contest down below!

"Major Jack Novak has never failed to meet a challenge--until he meets army nurse Lieutenant Ruth Doherty. When Jack lands in the army hospital after a plane crash, he makes winning Ruth's heart a top priority mission. But he has his work cut out for him. Not only is Ruth focused on her work in order to support her orphaned siblings back home, she carries a shameful secret that keeps her from giving her heart to any man. Can Jack break down her defenses? Or are they destined to go their separate ways? A Memory Between Us is the second book in the WINGS OF GLORY series, which follows the three Novak brothers, B-17 bomber pilots with the US Eighth Air Force stationed in England during World War II."





Sarah Sundin presents The Movies and Memories Giveaway in honor of
book 2 in the Wings of Glory series. A Memory Between Us is available for purchase wherever fine books are sold.
From the English countryside to the perilous skies over France, A Memory
Between Us takes you on a journey through love, forgiveness, and sacrifice.



To celebrate Sarah is giving one lucky winner A Movie and Memory Prize
Package! One grand prize winner will receive:

* Make-your-own-photo book from Mypublisher.com (Capture your own
Memories)

* Netflix Subscription (New or Nostalgic Movies delivered right to your house)

* Starbucks gift card (To keep your engine revvin’)

*Gourmet chocolate (A favorite in the 1940’s and now)

* British specialty teas in carved wooden box (Timeless tradition)

* Miniature model of a B-17 Flying Fortress bomber & C-47 cargo plane
(Everyone needs a few toy planes)

*Big Band music CD (Break out your dancing shoes)

* WWII authentic poster playing cards (Cards – a perfect game for two)

* Keep Calm and Carry On (Uplifting sayings WWII, a boost for troubled times)

To enter simple click on the icons below (contest runs 9/27 - 10/17!)

will you stop the madness? didn't think so

i just wish my life and my family weren't so crazy.

my grandma hasn't called my mom in 2 weeks i dunno if it will be longer i assume so but its crappy. also the other night my aunt called wanting these post cards cause she collects them. she collects everything. she wanted to make sure they weren't gonna get lost. but the tone she has when she says things. ugh. i dunno. but i am not quite sure how they would get lost when everything is sitting in the boxes we have them in. but what can you do. she wanted to come over on sunday to get them. but i didn't want her in the house honestly and my mom would have been alone and that wouldn't work she didn't want to be alone and she isn't feeling good. so i took one for the team and went to grandmas to drop that stuff off. she was supposed to bring something for my cousin and well that didn't happen and it took forever and my life. for her to get there and it was the most awkward thing to be at grandmas she seemed cranky and i dunno i just didn't like being there.

i want all of this to be done. i don't want to be in a funk. i find myself just crying at random times and i'm so sick of it. i also keep fighting with the boy. but both of us are doing that its the stress of the times right now.

yesterday i went to see our former campus pastors church plant. and my favorite guy alan he used to be our CM director. was there he is doing CM there. and it made me sad happy to see him but sad cause i miss him. its such a bummer i'm not so happy with how church is right now. i just don't really want to be there at all.

its just a hard season i guess. and i'm tired of it.

i want to be able to crochet and to read all the books on my book review pile. and in my book case i dunno im just in a funk and now i'm so hungry. i'm so tired of being full of anxiety and needing melatonin to sleep. i'm just tired.

i wish it was better.

CSN Stores!

Have you heard of CSN stores? i hadn't until recently and boy its a crazy huge site it carries items like  dining room chairs,  to purses, and all sorts of other things if you can think of it. its probably on that site. its so huge. i think it'd take months to look through everything on ther. there are over 200 stores on the site alone. we'll see how long it takes to pick an item to review. i am pretty excited about it. and if you want to check it out in the meantime go to CSN Stores now!

family? or lack thereof..

i guess i've been in a somber mood. i miss my auntie i wish she was here so we didn't have to deal with this family drama. my family has become literally insane.

death makes people crazy, and in my grandma and aunts case it makes them hoard everything then get mad a bout what little some other people take. cause they want it all for themselves. its really sad. and its really made me think about how they are acting and how much i hate it. i don't want to fight about "stuff" i don't really care about jewelry and i don't care about the stuff. i care about the person. but shes gone now and she would HATE how they were acting in fact i think she would slap them. which somewhat amuses me. it has also made me really think about the fact that i don't know what its like to truly have a grandma. i don't know what its like to be excited to go to her house to do fun things with her, her buy me stuff and generally do fun grandma stuff. i've heard other peoples stories and sometimes it baffles me and it makes me sad at the same time. really sad. sometimes the family concept is so foreign to me also cause its like i don't know what it is to be happy about them. how fun it is to hang out with them. its just not something that i grew up with..

it makes me feel like i want to piece together certain parts of my family and then someone elses family and make a whole knew one. i really do wish i had a grandma. cause the one i have i don't consider one. cause she isn't what a grandma is. one who is currently not talking to us at all. cause she flew off the handle for nothing. said some things that certainly didn't need to be said. and now won't talk to us.

i don't want to go to family functions cause that would just be killer. they aren't enjoyable. and i end up feeling more depressed than when i came. it just all makes me so sad. I'm not exactly sure how i should feel or what i should do but it is what it is and i  don't know if i could change it. honestly i think my grandma has something going on in her head cause she just keeps getting crazier and crazier. all i know is she showed a really evil side to her that no one wanted to see. and i think only 1/3 of the family wants to be around her anymore, which is the part that is just like her also. its just a maddening thing to go through. its also like my immediate family is the only part of the whole family that doesn't ask her for anything we don't ask her to help us we don't ask for money and somehow we are the bad guys. we also don't take a lot of auntie beths stuff.

but again we're the horrible people. its just not fair. what did i ever do to you grandma? i have always been nice i always just keep my mouth shut i don't fight with you i just try to keep the peace but its not good enough. its never good enough. do i have to have a conflict with you to be accepted? do i have to always have to ask for money to be accepted? i just don't know what you want from me? I've never been the favorite grandchild I've never asked for much but what little i did ask for was shot down so fast i couldn't even get anything out. never was a spoiled grandchild. i never really got anything. it was always the youngest grandchild. who is almost 21 and hasn't had a job, does drugs, drinks and his parents buy him cigarettes.

do i have to be a screw up?

i finally got to show her my car couple weeks ago. she didn't even look at it and just said "oh" thanks for supporting me grandma really means a lot. i worked hard to get that car and I'm working hard with two part time nanny jobs to pay for it. but does that matter? no.

i just don't know what to do so I'm not gonna do anything i can't fix it and i can't please her. and honestly I'd rather not be around her at all. that may sound bad but 25 years of this and I've reached my breaking point.

this family is so incredibly frustrating i can't even fathom what happened. i will take my grandpa and my 4th cousins, and my other cousins and that's it. i just hate that it came to this but it is what it is i guess. what can you do?

blah is all i can say really. and i'm glad that i love my immediate family and some of my cousins otherwise this would be a whole lot crazier. and the boy is amazing so i'm glad i have him through all of it. but still its just hard.

seafair pics and babies!

well i never shared seafair pictures there are some that are amazing that i'd like to share! plus my cousins baby Josiah he is so adorable so i have to show him off!

those are the blue angels and fat albert. and the pictures in the lion are hilarious. i like my moms the best! hahhaha gotta love it.

now here are pictures of callie she is the one i watch she is adorable. such a parrot too hahaha:

i love her

now we have josiah:

hope you enjoyed this cause i do! pictures are great such a great invention.