anxiety, dreams, weight and stubborn weeds!

I've been one big ball of anxiety lately. It is/was my retainers. I got new ones made and got them the day after. So I had all of that crazy anxiety for nothing really. But then Tuesday I noticed I had black stuff in the creases of my teeth so that freaked me out. But I had poked in them and they aren't squishy. So I guess that means (according to my mom at least) that I don't have cavities. But I should get my teeth cleaned. Though I really don't want to. I hate the dentist. And I don't really like the dentist I have either. I dunno what to do with that.

I also am trying to research/figure out what to do about my weight. I'm looking at the HCG drops I know a bunch of people that have had huge success with it. Or a low carb diet. I need to do something because I just keep getting fatter and fatter and I’m not totally motivated. On one hand I feel like its sort of a cop out cause I’m not really trying. But on the other hand I’m not totally motivated and I get really discouraged easily when it comes to this and I feel like I fail no matter what.

While talking about this with the boy last night its like I want to get thinner I want to like myself and not feel so blah all the time. But at the same time I don't want to give things up. I don’t' want to give up carbs, chips and all of that stuff I just love. But thats me being stubborn and honestly I guess food is a crutch for me. And its something I control, I want what I want I guess. And I just don't want to give it up. It kinda seems like an idol. And in order for me to get results I have to do something drastic. And the boy will do that with me as well as my mom. All of us have issues with things we don't want to give up. But it may be God's way of showing me what I need to do. I've been praying about it a lot. And it just may be the answer. I dunno. We are in the process of pulling together questions about it and will talk to someone about it soon. But it may be the right direction to take. I'm totally freaked out about it though. The whole “what if I can't do it” question goes through my mind constantly. I am just not sure.

In other news i've made some good progress in reading my books I need to read. Writing reviews is a whole nother story... oi.

My foot feels somewhat better its getting there.

Now my garden i'm making good progress in that! I made a whole plan up for it and i'm super excited about it. I just hope it plays out like I want it to. I just need a nice day to start work on it. Though I can't use the pitch fork I still can't do that with my foot. I can't stomp hard or anything. Super annoying since I have stuff to do! And I nearly pulled my arm off the other day trying to yank on a really huge stubborn weed. It was pretty traumatic honestly. My arm went one way and my body went the opposite way. After that I gave up and went to make my chart of where i'm planting everything.

I've been having weird dreams. From dreaming about finding bowling balls (I am on the look out for bowling balls for a friend when I go thrifting), to my last one where my hair was falling out in clumps. Its just weird and somewhat terrifying. Then I woke up with the song “three blind mice” stuck in my head. What the crap people?! I just don't know. But anyways i'm gonna have to go and get hopefully a lot of reading done soon. Hope you all are well.. if there is anyone out there at all.

Undeniably Yours” by Becky Wade | Kindle Fire Giveaway and 5/29 Facebook Party!

Becky Wade is celebrating her latest swoon-worthy novel, Undeniably Yours (Bethany House), with a Kindle Fire giveaway and hosting an Author Chat party on Facebook {5/29}!

About the book:

When Meg Cole's father dies unexpectedly, she's forced to return home to Texas and to Whispering Creek Ranch to take up the reins of his empire. The last thing she has the patience or the sanity to deal with? Her father's Thoroughbred racehorse farm. She gives its manager, Bo Porter, six months to close the place down.

Bo knows he ought to resent the woman who's determined to take from him the only job he ever wanted. But instead of anger, Meg evokes within him a profound desire to protect. The more time he spends with her, the more he longs to overcome every obstacle that separates them and earn her love.

Just when Meg realizes she can no longer deny the depth of her feelings for Bo, their fragile bond is broken by a force from Meg's past. Can their relationship-and their belief that God can work through every circumstance-survive?

MyThoughts:

I had never gotten around to reading Becky Wades debut novel "My Stubborn Heart." That is somewhat sad because i didn't know what i was missing. i had no idea what to expect really with "Undeniably Yours" and i honestly couldn't predict how it would go at all. which i think its a great thing because when you predict everything that happens next its totally old way too fast. so i LOVED that i had no idea what would happen next. i loved the characters they were great. and the ending was SO not what i thought would happen. this book had everything from suspense to just happy-go-lucki-ness. Meg Cole seemed to be such a tough person to read but at the same time she just was a softy. and bo seemed to be a typical caring cowboy. i loved the characters, a few i could do without but i can't talk about them since they give away the story. it was just a great book in general. once you start it and really get into it you won't be able to stop!




One winner will receive:

• A Kindle Fire
• Undeniably Yours and My Stubborn Heart by Becky Wade

Enter today by clicking one of the icons below. But hurry, the giveaway ends on May 28th. Winner will be announced at the "Undeniably Yours" Facebook Author Chat Party on May 29th. Connect with Becky for an evening of book chat, trivia, laughter, and more! Becky will also share an exclusive look at her next book and give away books and other fun prizes throughout the evening.

So grab your copy of Undeniably Yours and join Becky on the evening of May 29th for a chance to connect and make some new friends. (If you haven't read the book, don't let that stop you from coming!)

Don't miss a moment of the fun; RSVP today. Tell your friends via FACEBOOK or TWITTER and increase your chances of winning. Hope to see you on the 29th!

It is time for a FIRST Wild Card Tour book review! If you wish to join the FIRST blog alliance, just click the button. We are a group of reviewers who tour Christian books. A Wild Card post includes a brief bio of the author and a full chapter from each book toured. The reason it is called a FIRST Wild Card Tour is that you never know if the book will be fiction, non~fiction, for young, or for old...or for somewhere in between! Enjoy your free peek into the book!

You never know when I might play a wild card on you!

Today's Wild Card Insight Notes author is:

Lysa TerKeurst

and the book:

NIV Real Life Devotional Bible for Women,
Insights for Everyday Life Notes

Zondervan; Special edition (March 19, 2013)

***Special thanks to Rick Roberson for sending me a review copy.***

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:

Lysa TerKeurst is a New York Times bestselling author and national speaker who helps everyday women live an adventure of faith. She is the president of Proverbs 31 Ministries, author of 15 books, and encourages nearly 500,000 women worldwide through a daily online devotional. Her remarkable life story has captured audiences across America, including appearances on Oprah and Good Morning America. She lives in North Carolina with her husband and five children.

Visit the author's website.

SHORT BOOK DESCRIPTION:

This Bible will help you live up to your God-given potential. Insightful daily devotions written by the women at Proverbs 31 Ministries help you maintain life's balance in spite of today's hectic pace. Dive into the beauty and clarity of the NIV Bible text paired with daily devotions crafted by women just like you---women who want to live authentically and fully grounded in the Word of God.

Product Details:
List Price: $34.99
Hardcover: 1536 pages
Publisher: Zondervan; Special edition (March 19, 2013)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 0310439361
ISBN-13: 978-0310439363

My Thoughts:

i didn't really know what to expect with this bible. i've never had a bible like that. but at the same time its not really anything that really blew me away.

AND NOW...SOME SAMPLE PAGES (CLICK ON PAGES TO ENLARGE):

Oh boy oh boy has a lot been going on.

So tired of the drama, of people overreacting with things in my family. I think its calmed down now. My grandpa is finally home from the hospital he was supposed to go to a rehab facility but he refused cause he has bad memories of those places. So hes at home and I guess a home healthcare worker will come to check on them.

Last week my mom had to go to urgent care, was diagnosed with vertigo she had to stay home from work all week.

I've also had the retainers I have (I had braces when I was a teenager and still wear my retainers) have issues and one has a hole in it so I have to go get those replaced. Thank goodness I found a place to make them and its where I used to go for my braces but that orthodontist doesn't have that practice anymore. But it all worked out have an appointment. But ugh so annoying.

In better news my foot/ankle is getting better! I'm so happy it is not feeling as horrible as it did. It still hurts slightly. Its been 5 weeks now. But at least i'm on the mend.

I dunno there seems to be a whole lot going on and a ton of anxiety and I dunno its just crazy. And I don't even know what to say or write about.

I guess the relationship with the boy is getting better. Hes had a lot of homework lately hes in the home stretch with school. I have a bunch of anxiety about the job situation because we don't really know whats happening with his contracted job right now and then he finishes school in the summer. So who knows i'm just trying to trust that things will be alright.

Well thats about all I can think of to blog about right now.

Day 7, Tuesday: The thing(s) you're most afraid of

I have a bunch of things i'm afraid of. Some rational some irrational.

Spiders (hate them)

I also hate cockroaches but we don't have them here.

I fear dying sometimes

I also get so scared that someone is gonna steal my car.

I worry/am afraid of when the boy is out late. I always think of getting robbed/beat up/shot. But I have been robbed before so that may be why my mind goes to that.

I also am afraid of flying. But I've done it, with clenched hands on the arm rests. 

thats about all i can think of. probably a good thing, if i thought of more i may have anxiety.

 

Day 5: Friend love

 

Day 5, Sunday: Publicly profess your love and devotion for one of your blogger friends. What makes them great? Why do you love them? If you don't have blogger friends, talk about a real-life friend or even a family member

well i don't have any blogger friends really yet. so i will go with in real life friends. and i'm doing three because i can't choose. 

first up is my dear friend mike:

 

i've known mike for a long long time. we met in a chatroom for the band five iron frenzy. and since then we were pretty much bffs. now we don't talk as much. he lives in canada and i'm in seattle. after i had graduate from high school. another friend who i also met through that chatroom and i went to canada together. and we stayed for almost three weeks. it was amazing to be with my best friends. i loved it. he was my first kiss. now that was almost 10 years ago. and now mike and i talk talk as often but hes still one of my dearest friends. we pick up where we left off and we also share the same birthday hes just 5 years older. i love him dearly.

next is another dear friend colin:














i've known colin about the same time as mike. also from the same chatroom. we always clicked and it was always an easy friendship. we've been through a lot. i talk to him more often than i do mike. but we've been through interesting times. we bicker for one thing haha its pretty funny. but we also got robbed at gunpoint together with 3 other friends. we were mimicking it after it happened in that picture.  i haven't seen him in a few years because he lives in oregon. hopefully soon we will see each other again.

and last but not least. is justin my boyfriend:

i don't know how long ago we met but we first met on the messageboard for five iron frenzy. same band for all of those friends. it brings people together haha. i never would have dreamed that i would have ended up with him. its somewhat still weird. we've been through a lot in our relationship and its still somewhat rocky. there are things i don't like to think about that have happened but reality is that they have happened and we have to push through. and we have. at times our relationship is easy but at times its also really really hard. but i love him, he is my best friend and i'm super grateful to have him.

just a few things.

I just wanted to blog some my opinions and get them out cause, well I have no real reason.

One thing I don't like is when full figured girls like myself (not me though) don't cover themselves up and they are spilling out everywhere. Geez its crazy.

And I don't like when people constantly cause conflict a nd blame everyone else and don't even talk in a calm manor. This is happening right now within my extended family.

I don't like the yelling and I don't like the drama and I dont' want to be involved which is why I stay away from all of them.

And for that matter I don't think drinking is a solution to anything. (also in my family)

and neither is fighting (my cousin tried to fight my other cousin at the hospital the other day and security came)

thats about all I have to say about that. My family is losing it and i'm totally sane haha. I guess thats what happens when you don't freak out all the time.

Well today I have to go to a friends kids birthday party and then errands after that. Its beautiful. But I over did it with the fact that I could wear flip flops again so now my foot is bruised up more haha. Oh bother. It was getting way better though. Blah. I'll survive.