Tuesday, August 21, 2012


Sorry its been so long. The day after the boy and I started to talk its been rough but we are working on things and have a plan to work on how to be closer/doing things. And talking more. Its tough but we are making it work. Though now we have to go on free dates. If we can think of anything to do cause he has no job and we have no money. So that’s tough too.

But its alright. Hopefully he gets a job soon he has an interview on Thursday. We are hopeful about it. I'm drained but I finally have a few things going on as far as reviews go. I was in limbo with some things but those are finally done and finished and now I get started on writing I’m excited about it.

I'm also pretty blah and bummed. I am sitting thinking “wow I have no friends” its just weird to think about there are plenty of people we sometimes get together with but no one initiates and I don't want to work so hard to have people pay attention when they won't anyways. Its like there are people we were in bible study with for 2 years and two of them are getting married now and we aren't invited. Its kinda stupid but its whatever. I am just super blah bout things. I'm tired I have a headache and I just don't have anyone but Justin I guess we have ourselves and that is good. Especially when we have to work on our relationship to be closer and get back to where we were before. But at the same time its lonely. But maybe thats cause the boy and I don't do much together. Or anything. Its like we have two separate lives and nothing brings it together but we are changing that. We are gonna start to read books together first up is “the Screwtape Letters” by C.S. Lewis. I haven't really read anything of his aside from the Narnia books. But I also haven't really read any theology and who am I kidding I really haven't ever read through the bible. I've read certain verses/passages but never the whole thing. Honestly all the religious/bible/theology stuff is really lost on me. I don't know where to start, I don't know what I think about any of it and I don't even know what my opinions are. Not growing up with a theology driven house (I grew up in a Christian household just didn't talk much about theology or anything like that) wasn't necessarily a bad thing. But most of the time I have no idea what the boy is saying when he talks about that. And I don't know what to think. All I know is I don’t' want to be like his parents (they are straight up crazy!) haha that’s why I’m hesitant to read or have opinions on any of it. Irrational I know but that’s just how my mind works. So I guess we're gonna work on me getting into that stuff and maybe doing devotions. I have some review devotionals. So we'll see. I'm indifferent I guess and that’s probably a horrible thing haha. I dunno.

In other news my garden is starting to produce I’m excited! But I already have plans for next year. I don't know what else I have to say. So that’s about it.

Thursday, August 9, 2012


everything is kinda all wacked out right now. the boy and i are fighting but basically its no one talking right now. thats how its been and its driving me nuts. i don't want to be the first one to say anything like normal. but i also want to be heard. i want to feel like i'm important and that i matter.

i don't want to fight anymore or even worse just not talking is killing me. but i can't always be the one to bring everything up and to initiate.

this is a sucky sucky situation and on top of everything else going on i feel like i just might burst. i'm so sad and lonely and burst out in tears at random times. but i'm also pmsy and that makes it a million times worse.

crappy week.

Tuesday, August 7, 2012