I'm so cold but i need to get this out i also need to sleep but alas blogging calls me. as if i haven't done enough of that today.
but tomorrow ugh tomorrow. i will be at church all day that's not the problem. I'm happy to do it. but its just the fact that someone i don't need to see or interact with will be there.
this guy did something to me that i cannot ever forget i can't erase it and i wish i could but it was violating (true not as violating as most things but it was extremely violating to me) and i wont' divulge the details. but its really hard for me still and it happened 4 years ago. it makes me scared out of my mind that hes gonna be at my campus tomorrow.
we are having a conference at church and all the campus' will gather at my campus and i didn't look at the RSVP list first before i volunteered which I'm kind of kicking myself about because that really sucks i can't back out. but it just freaks me out that he could see me during the lunch break he could try to talk to me and really it makes me so scared i could pee myself ugh i dunno what to do i wish i had someone to distract me from it but its in my head and it scares me. i hope nothing will happen cause i probably wouldn't be able to handle it very well at all. i just pray that he stays away from me.
i should go to bed. i mean i have that on my mind along with other things that are just eating at me. and i can't help it. i can't talk about stuff and I'm frustrated with people but i don't tell them and I'm sure it makes it worse but i dunno its just how i am i guess i wish it wasn't that way but it is and i dunno how to change it.
most of this probably doesn't' make sense but its late and I'm cold and nervous and i just need to go to bed. pray for me in the morning if you think of it.