Sunday, June 21, 2009

"scream..deeper i want to scream, i want you to hear me.."

well i feel like crap right now i feel like how the weather is outside stormy, cold, rainy, gloomy that's how it is.

i don't even know how i feel really right now i just know i feel blah. here is how my life has been lately and then me ranting and all sorts of other nonsense

the day after the baby shower i talked about in the long entry before this one. well my dog had a seizure at like 3 or 4 in the morning on that Sunday then mom told me i had a really hard time keeping it together at church so i only watched kids and went home. and then cried like all day and then 5:45 that night she had another seizure so she got taken to the emergency vet and lots of crying on my part and stress on everyone Else's but we didn't really have answers. right now we still don't have a definitive answer on anything. but we're exhausting all options. right now we're waiting for blood tests to come back really complicated ones so we will know for sure if its her thyroid. the other thing could be canine epilepsy but I'm still not sure about that. but its all so stressful and exhausting mentally and physically i don't jump at every noise she makes anymore but we were all doing that for awhile. but even now like we have to have at least two people here at all times just in case she has another one. one has to hold her down and the other has to give her the meds we have for just in case. we're also taking a gamble on things because we were supposed to give her epilepsy meds after she had her blood taken last Monday but we didn't want to cause what if its not that and the thyroid well yeah. so just praying about that.

lets see what else I'm really blah and depressed about a lot of things and its not like i can get out and go somewhere i can't and even if i could I'd have no where to go or anyone to see so its kinda sucko.

that's not all folks it gets worse.

i really need to blog more so these don't get so effing long.

the other day i watched munchkin for 6 hours. he totally was trying to beat me up but that's not the point. the point is my neighbor has two dogs and they are either stuck inside this small pantry like room or outside. and they were in their pantry room when i got there i eventually let them out once munchkin got up from his nap. and i felt so bad for them cause they get little to no attention cause my neighbor always shoos them outside or in their little room. and it breaks my heart. but no nono its worse. so i kept them in the House well i let them outside but it was raining so i let them back in. and i was looking at them one of them the older dog is sooo unkempt like she has long hair and her hair on her feet is like longer than her paws for reals and then her nails are super long i know cause she jumped on me. they aren't trained the other one is a short hair dog so that doesn't matter. but really they are very unkempt and it makes me so sad. and they get like no attention you can tell cause they almost like barreled me over when they wanted attention i gladly gave it to them. cause they are sweet dogs i would steal them if i could. especially the little one she crawled up in my lap on the couch. shes not little little just smaller than the other dog. anyway so i went to put them back in the room cause it was raining and munchkin needed to eat dinner. but i was trying to find something to entice them to go to the room and yeah cause they aren't trained either. and i went to go find dog bones first of all the dog food bin was open. that's just not right its gross bugs can go in. well i found dog bones, they were expired in 2008! i was like are you serious? and the open bag had bugs in it. i put it back only cause i didn't feel right about going through her things and throwing stuff out. so i just got a cracker and threw it in there for the dogs. and then later i was looking in the older ones mouth. and it looks like her teeth are rotting. i swear it broke my heart so bad i cried when i got home.

on to the next subject I'm crazy with my PMS but I'm also gonna screw things up cause I'm screwball. I'm having issues and I'd like to talk to one specific person about it. but there have been things that have gone on and i just feel like i can't talk to them cause i feel like if i do I'll screw it all up and it will be all weird and we won't be like we were before i could just be neurotic but that's how i feel right now. it makes me cry literally. yesterday in fact the whole thing made me cry off and on all day and the only thing that made me stop was organizing my Cd's cause I'm a ding dong and that's what i did it took forever. I'm so blah about all of this and so sad about this particular situation and its probably not even a situation but i am choosing to ignore said person and not say anything. cause I'm a screw up its cool.


in other news my best friend Colin is taking me to see weezer in September hes amazing. that's the only good thing i have to say.

my stomach hurts super bad right now its good times anyway i guess I'll wrap this up now. late.

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