Tuesday, November 3, 2009

are you faking it?

lately i've been thinking about this. being a faker. or faking it rather. no not like in seinfeld when elaine says she faked it. not THAT way but do you fake being happy? i've been thinking about that because i do fake it.

i'm kinda of socially awkward alot of the time and i never used to be like that but the last few years it just happened like that i'm super quiet and shy sometimes and i just feel uncomfortable around a lot of people. not nessicarily cause they are bad people but just cause i dunno what to say and i am a pretty private person most of the time. so thats why.

my friend and i were kind of having a rough patch and we were talking about how i'm not social and he said but you're fine when you get there. and i thought about that for a few days and the other night i was like do you remember when you asked me that. well i'm fine cause i fake it. and its true i do. and on sunday when i was at church people ask how you are right. and i said i was good. totally a lie i know but i was faking it just so i don't have to really say how i feel. cause i'm the type of person who closes up super easily to guard my feelings and not be super vulnerable and stuff. so i guess maybe thats why i fake it also cause i'm super private but still.

it kind of made me wonder how many other people really do fake it. i mean can you really be that happy ALL the time? really?

i'm just at a weird point right now i guess and its hard to get used to or figure out but thats just whats on my mind lately.


  1. I need to respond to your email. I saw I still hadn't done so this morning and then I thought to check your blog. I apologize for that.

    Anyway about this blog. . .I always get sad when people answer "fine" when I ask them how they are because deep down inside they are aching to just share their heart with someone and the fact that they keep it in just builds up in them. I do understand when people are private and don't want to automatically spill their guts and trust someone with what's going on in their life, but they could downsize the details if that's the case and say something like, "well I'm having a rough situation but I am glad I have the Lord to lean on to help me." rather than, "I'm okay" haha.

    I don't think everyone can be happy all the time, you're right. At the same time I think a lot of people who are miserable most of the time don't try to make efforts to becoming happy. It's as if they enjoy being the way they are so they can go around complaining some more.

  2. I'm not always happy and not always 100% comfortable expressing that to everyone. I do make a point though of not saying I'm good when I'm not. I will say "alright" instead of "good"... I'm alive and have a roof over my head, food in the pantry and healthy kids... I can't be that horrible.