lately i've been thinking about this. being a faker. or faking it rather. no not like in seinfeld when elaine says she faked it. not THAT way but do you fake being happy? i've been thinking about that because i do fake it.
i'm kinda of socially awkward alot of the time and i never used to be like that but the last few years it just happened like that i'm super quiet and shy sometimes and i just feel uncomfortable around a lot of people. not nessicarily cause they are bad people but just cause i dunno what to say and i am a pretty private person most of the time. so thats why.
my friend and i were kind of having a rough patch and we were talking about how i'm not social and he said but you're fine when you get there. and i thought about that for a few days and the other night i was like do you remember when you asked me that. well i'm fine cause i fake it. and its true i do. and on sunday when i was at church people ask how you are right. and i said i was good. totally a lie i know but i was faking it just so i don't have to really say how i feel. cause i'm the type of person who closes up super easily to guard my feelings and not be super vulnerable and stuff. so i guess maybe thats why i fake it also cause i'm super private but still.
it kind of made me wonder how many other people really do fake it. i mean can you really be that happy ALL the time? really?
i'm just at a weird point right now i guess and its hard to get used to or figure out but thats just whats on my mind lately.