change is here!

sometimes I'm just a mess i can't deny it. and that's just how things are. yesterday i cut my finger its pretty red ah well what can you do. that's what happens when you try to cut veggies with no cutting board ha ha. well they were all dirty not entirely my fault.

I'm frustrated today and all this week really church was super frustrating all the kids were testing my patience and i just wanted to go away. and i found out Alan our director was laid off which made me really sad. i just wasn't wanting to be around church at all.

the boy and i also wrote an email to his parents about us and that reply didn't go so well so we were super frustrated and then we got really mad bout religion cause his parents are religious and we just hate religion so we got into discussions about religion vs. Jesus. the boy and i had a lot of good talks but it didn't change the fact that we feel slapped in the face. i dunno why they can't see that their son is happy for once and leave it at that. I'm not a horrible person i dunno why they can't accept it. i just don't get why people have to be negative about the boy and i. we kept it quiet for SO long and now the majority of people are either like "its about time" "oh finally decided to admit it?" and " you guys are so cute!" but there is that 2% that are all rawr and I'll keep my opinions to myself kind of thing and i just don't get it. why is it so horrible that we found love? i dunno.

well i ever been good enough? that's how i feel its how people make me feel. ugh so annoying. my friend Alicia said this to me today which i thought was really amazing and thought provoking:

"try and have a good rest of your day ok think of these things as a way to show Christ in you by not being bitter or mean or resentful pray for peace my friend!"

okay now back to church and frustrations so i had all that other frustration but a person wants to do check in and true its great that she wants to and is all back up to getting better. its totally my territory and I'm kinda rawr about it cause its like I'm ousted and i dunno everything just frustrates me this week.

probably due to the fact that I'm on my period and also i still haven't gotten my mail at the boys house or my house hopefully today I'll get something its really making me super mad.

my lips keep getting so dry that they crack and it hurts SO bad its like they split when i yawn and ugh the pain.

i guess that is all i have for now.