i'm alive!

So i'm still around, just sparse on words. A lot of crap has gone on on so I guess i'll get to updating.


I'm just so overwhelmed with a lot that I just don't know what to say. The boys parents really treated him like crap growing up and they make drama about us getting married. And its just sort of a mess. And its stressful and I just don't want to deal with them honestly.


Planning is stressful cause of no time and the boys school and trying to see whats going on and all the details. Thankfully we aren't having a crazy elaborate wedding. Just eloping but they want otherwise. ugh I just don't know.


The holidays were sorta weird. But alright. New years hasn't been so great though. I got a flat tire last week so that really sucked and i've just been so over everything. Cause I pretty much need 4 new tires and I don't want to deal with the whole thing at all.


I'm stressed out about where the boy and I will live when we get married, getting married terrifies me and sex terrifies me. Also living not at my house terrifies me.


I'm a ball of crazy and anxiety and I dunno what to do about it.


I've also noticed I pretty much cry anytime anything serious comes up like my tires i've been crying about it and when I got the flat tire. I guess I just cry everytime I have something “serious” to say I dunno why its like that but i've always done it. I'm not sure why I can't ever hold it together.


I have a bunch of crafts i'm doing so thats good. But I have a ton unfinished also a ton of unfinished books which is irritating me but such is life.


I'm not even sure what to say or what to write anymore. So thats about all.