will you stop the madness? didn't think so

i just wish my life and my family weren't so crazy.

my grandma hasn't called my mom in 2 weeks i dunno if it will be longer i assume so but its crappy. also the other night my aunt called wanting these post cards cause she collects them. she collects everything. she wanted to make sure they weren't gonna get lost. but the tone she has when she says things. ugh. i dunno. but i am not quite sure how they would get lost when everything is sitting in the boxes we have them in. but what can you do. she wanted to come over on sunday to get them. but i didn't want her in the house honestly and my mom would have been alone and that wouldn't work she didn't want to be alone and she isn't feeling good. so i took one for the team and went to grandmas to drop that stuff off. she was supposed to bring something for my cousin and well that didn't happen and it took forever and my life. for her to get there and it was the most awkward thing to be at grandmas she seemed cranky and i dunno i just didn't like being there.

i want all of this to be done. i don't want to be in a funk. i find myself just crying at random times and i'm so sick of it. i also keep fighting with the boy. but both of us are doing that its the stress of the times right now.

yesterday i went to see our former campus pastors church plant. and my favorite guy alan he used to be our CM director. was there he is doing CM there. and it made me sad happy to see him but sad cause i miss him. its such a bummer i'm not so happy with how church is right now. i just don't really want to be there at all.

its just a hard season i guess. and i'm tired of it.

i want to be able to crochet and to read all the books on my book review pile. and in my book case i dunno im just in a funk and now i'm so hungry. i'm so tired of being full of anxiety and needing melatonin to sleep. i'm just tired.

i wish it was better.