times

"I know i need you I need to love you I love to see you, and its been so long i long to feel you i feel this need for you' and i need to hear you is that so wrong?
 
oh oh oh, oh oh oh, oh oh oh
 
now you pulled me near you when we're close i fear you still im afraid to tell you all that i've done are you done forgiving? or can you pass my pretending? Lord i'm so tired of defending what i've become what have i become?
 
oh oh, oh oh, oh oh.
 
i hear you say "my love is over, its underneath, its inside, its in between the times you doubt me, when you can't feel the times that you've questioned 'is this for real?' the times you've broken, the times that you mend the times you hate me and the times that you bend well my love is over, its underneath its inside, its in between, these times you're healing and when your heart breaks the times that you feel like you've fallen from grace the times you're hurting
the times that you heal the times you go hungry and attempted to steal in times of confusion and chaos and pain
im there in your sorrow under the weight of your shame im there through your heartache im there in the storm my love i will keep you by my power alone i dont care where you've fallen, where you have been i'll never forsake you my love never ends, it never ends mmm, mmm
 
oh oh, oh oh, oh oh" - Times by Tenth Avenue North


This song has been on my mind lately it has struck me. especially when it says "the times you're healing the times your heart breaks the times that you've falling from grace" and then " my love is over its underneath its inside its in between" its so relevant! I've had a really crappy last 7 days. but I'm still here i guess that counts for something. 

but there was the car accident so that's stressful. i didn't know if it was gonna trigger a seizure from the dog. i was pretty worried about it. and it is around the time she would be having one. she has one every three months about. so there was that. but then the family is down a car. but then there is my car. i didn't drive it much last week. i hadn't been in it for like 4 days. i went in it and all my stuff was on my passenger seat but my car was locked. i thought it was weird.  and my flashlight was gone.  i felt super violated but i thought oh maybe my dad did it. he didn't do it.  but i didn't get it cause i had locked my car and it was locked when i went in it. the next day i looked at it in the daylight. and determined that someone did break into it but they were like professional or something. didn't break anything and totally locked it and closed the compartments they went in when they were finished. who does that?!?!?! like  honestly..

then that day also i had to go watch the munchkin and i had to do some stuff for Justin and then later on i was gonna take him to class but that never happened cause he didn't get his work done and that was frustrating the whole day was frustrating and i sorta had a breakdown it was annoying. but I'm still alive. then there were just little things that went wrong. 

things are starting to look up again. we got our tree yesterday though i was so cranky yesterday i got better but smashing into that little car for that long of a time almost made me puke. oi. today no church i slept instead (crime right?) and maybe some writing but I'm trying to find a laptop used so i don't have to get one new. meh we'll see. anyways that's about all for now.