And there are times that are in the middle of good and bad. Right now I’m grateful for at least one person that I know reads the blog and comments. Someone I can relate with. And yeah I don't have a lot of friends but I’m okay with that honestly.
The last few days I’ve been researching vitamins. For those who don't know, I have a thyroid issue, vitamin d deficiency and I have iron deficient anemia. I likely had all those things for a long while, and that caused my hair to thin. And I’m trying to get back to not having a balding head cause it freaks me out. But I’ve found out that I need to take more vitamins and hopefully I’ll get that hair back. Also I have dry skin which is a recent thing which I have found that means I need more of something. Hopefully it is one of the things I’m going to be taking. Also I have needed to lose weight. So I’m trying to get on the right track with all of these things. Hopefully I can keep going with it.
There are times when things with the boy and I are bad. But we've had a great few days. While he is at work we usually send messages through gtalk and today and we had this lovely conversation:
The Boy: :)
i fall more in love with you everyday of my life...
The Boy: :)
i have googly eyes for you
me: sometimes i don't like you.
you totally just made me cry
The Boy: you're so amazing to me. and precious. :)
it did make me cry, I have such a sweet man. I am beyond blessed. He is here for me through everything and when we get a long its the best. Though even if we don't get along we can deal with it. But I feel very blessed with him.
Also today I’ve felt very blah and like a huge failure. Sometimes the way my mom says things about me not having a job, or money or insurance and today talking about retirement. It just makes me feel like such a huge failure and like I can't do anything right. I need to get on the ball but that’s kind of hard when people don't reply to me when I reply to their job listing. Makes it a little difficult. But I really only want to do the nanny thing. I don't really feel like I want to do anything else. And ultimately I want to be a housewife/mom so I don't really need a lot of training for that. But I just kinda wish that point in life would be here already.
I have so much to do but I feel like I get harped on every second so I never get anything done. I need to do reviews and read my books but it seems like that never happens. I just need something great to happen, I need a nanny job so I can read more while its nap time and all of that. And so I have money to save to get along with the next phase of life. But I need to be patient its hard though. All of this is really hard right now. I just feel so hopeless. But again I have an amazing man. This is what he said to me:
The Boy: Awwww. Poor baby...
Wish I could hold you right now :-(
For the record I don't think you're a failure. You're amazing. :-)
You're a natural at what you do it's just tough to find anything but you've been trying.
And you're very resourceful and responsible with your time. I may have a job but I suck with that still.
You do lots during the day.
The Boy: Mwah. I'm proud of you babe.
The Boy: Mmhmm and it's true and I mean every word :-)
The Boy: but just try and I'm proud of you no matter what so remember that :-)
love that guy. So for now I guess I’ll just try to calm down and listen to some owl city and gungor. Good times.