Wednesday, July 27, 2011

There are good times and there are bad times.

 And there are times that are in the middle of good and bad. Right now I’m grateful for at least one person that I know reads the blog and comments. Someone I can relate with. And yeah I don't have a lot of friends but I’m okay with that honestly.

The last few days I’ve been researching vitamins. For those who don't know, I have a thyroid issue, vitamin d deficiency and I have iron deficient anemia. I likely had all those things for a long while, and that caused my hair to thin. And I’m trying to get back to not having a balding head cause it freaks me out. But I’ve found out that I need to take more vitamins and hopefully I’ll get that hair back. Also I have dry skin which is a recent thing which I have found that means I need more of something. Hopefully it is one of the things I’m going to be taking. Also I have needed to lose weight. So I’m trying to get on the right track with all of these things. Hopefully I can keep going with it.

There are times when things with the boy and I are bad. But we've had a great few days. While he is at work we usually send messages through gtalk and today and we had this lovely conversation:

The Boy: :)
oh, baby...
i fall more in love with you everyday of my life...
me: awwww
The Boy: :)
i have googly eyes for you
lol
me: sometimes i don't like you.
you totally just made me cry
The Boy:awwwww
hahaha
mwah.
me: :)
The Boy: you're so amazing to me. and precious. :)

it did make me cry, I have such a sweet man. I am beyond blessed. He is here for me through everything and when we get a long its the best. Though even if we don't get along we can deal with it. But I feel very blessed with him.

Also today I’ve felt very blah and like a huge failure. Sometimes the way my mom says things about me not having a job, or money or insurance and today talking about retirement. It just makes me feel like such a huge failure and like I can't do anything right. I need to get on the ball but that’s kind of hard when people don't reply to me when I reply to their job listing. Makes it a little difficult. But I really only want to do the nanny thing. I don't really feel like I want to do anything else. And ultimately I want to be a housewife/mom so I don't really need a lot of training for that. But I just kinda wish that point in life would be here already.

I have so much to do but I feel like I get harped on every second so I never get anything done. I need to do reviews and read my books but it seems like that never happens. I just need something great to happen, I need a nanny job so I can read more while its nap time and all of that. And so I have money to save to get along with the next phase of life. But I need to be patient its hard though. All of this is really hard right now. I just feel so hopeless. But again I have an amazing man. This is what he said to me:

The Boy: Awwww. Poor baby...
Wish I could hold you right now :-(
For the record I don't think you're a failure. You're amazing. :-)
You're a natural at what you do it's just tough to find anything but you've been trying.
And you're very resourceful and responsible with your time. I may have a job but I suck with that still.
You do lots during the day.
me: k
The Boy: Mwah. I'm proud of you babe.
me: thanks
The Boy: Mmhmm and it's true and I mean every word :-)
The Boy: but just try and I'm proud of you no matter what so remember that :-)
me: k

love that guy. So for now I guess I’ll just try to calm down and listen to some owl city and gungor. Good times.

5 comments:

Mandee said...

I hope you get to feeling better! It sounds like you are a little bit depressed. You know what I do when I'm depressed? I try to do something nice to myself. Why not paint your nails, put some makeup on, heck put on a push up bra! Just know that you are not alone in how you feel and that this will pass. Try to crank your radio up, dance and SMILE! :)

The Atypical Housewife said...

Awe!! I love those texts your talking about. They are so sweet and special. I love that he said he has googly eyes for you! Too cute! I hope you find some vitamins that help your health troubles. Things can be so difficult when your body isn't doing what it should. I also totally feel like an unproductive member of society sometimes. I don't live at home anymore, but my dad often makes comments like, "Well, since your not doing anything during the day" It's hurtful, because I am busy, though maybe not always as busy I should be. As long as you're working towards you're goals, that's what matters.

I also wanted to let you know that I gave you an award on my blog, so stop by and check it out if you get a chance!

Victoria / Justice Pirate said...

that's really sweet of him to try to make you feel better and he probably does mean it all so so so much.

As for your thyroid. . I know someone who has a thyroid issue and they were given a medication that helped them soooo much but I don't know what it is called. I know a few people with thyroid issues, but this was a girl who is 18 that went to the youth group I lead (she just graduated). Anyway, There is B-12 that gives you energy and higher metabolism which might be helpful (I take it because I get so faint from anemia so often so it gives me energy and helps me more than iron pills)

leanne said...

Hope you're feeling better! I also hope the nanny job works out. Be patient:) Things have a way of working themselves out.

Amy said...

My hair gets thinner all the time, too. It always freaks me out. I wonder what I might be deficient in? I know I have serious hormonal imbalances, so that probably has a lot to do with it?

I also totally understand the wanting to be just a housewife and mom thing. That's all I've ever wanted. I'm still struggling trying to convince myself that I'm not wasting time and money by going back to school when I know I'd really rather not work. =/

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