so this is the new year

So this is the new year. And i don't feel any different. The clanking of crystal Explosions off in the distance (in the distance).

So this is the new year And I have no resolutions For self assigned penance For problems with easy solutions

So everybody put your best suit or dress on Let's make believe that we are wealthy for just this once Lighting firecrackers off on the front lawn As thirty dialogs bleed into one

I wish the world was flat like the old days Then i could travel just by folding a map No more airplanes, or speed trains, or freeways There'd be no distance that could hold us back.

There'd be no distance that could hold us back [x2]

So this is the new year [x4] - Death Cab For Cutie



that song does ring true right now. i'm not even sure what to say but i will say things haha obviously. oh dear. well later on i'll post pictures of my eyeball. funny story though a friend from church looked at my eye (well a lot of people did and i got jokes like what are you smoking and etc) but then she was all "DUDE ME TOO" and showed me her eye. so we're eyeball twins with our broken blood vessels. it is pretty humorous. moving on!

i'm hoping this year will be amazing i mean last year sucked super badly but i have hope i think. i mean i have a super amazing bff and i sure didn't have that here last year. and church is going good. there is potential for good friends there too. so we'll see...

this year though i do want to lose weight, get my license. hope to get a job, and do lots of fun things. but last year did bring amazing things like bloom for once. that book club and the ladies i have met there are just amazing i love it so much i can't even comprehend it sometimes!

one thing i am done with is skate church. i mean i dunno they do treat me like crap a bunch of people do. one owed me money from a year ago its just so annoying to have to hound someone to give you something they owe you. why should i have to? ugh i dunno i got it last night though. so now i'm totally done. i went to the service with bff and like it was just weird and awkward. i know i'm not the only one in feeling this way though now. cause they were all oh yeah this was so powerful tonight and blahblahblah. but me and justin were like uhhhhhhhh okay? so at least i know i'm not super crazy. but then when we were talking to some people (which didn't happen much the entire time we were there it was like me and him standing alone in the sea of people kind of thing) the people well some of them either blatantly ignored me or one person was making jabs at me and making fun of me the entire time and its like what did i even do to you? i have done nothing but be nice to those people. but some still owe me stuff but i'm over it i got the money and i'm done don't expect me around there anytime soon or at all really i just am done. i feel better about being done with it too.

but at the same time i'm kind of upset because evan who is my oldest friend in seattle is all "skate churched" i dunno it just makes me sad cause we were gonna hang out a lot and i've seen him 3 times in the last 4 months and its like what am i chop liver? i don't get it but hes with them ALL the time. its kind of like he was brainwashed or something i dunno that just really frustrates me too. especially when i don't get invited to things that are right down the street from me and hes all well if you had your license things would be different? why would it? it really wouldn't i dunno i just want to slap people sometimes.

at least i have my bff things with him are good we went to see the princess and the frog yesterday it was good.

i wish more people read, or commented i dunno how many actually read this blog but i dunno sometimes i feel like i'm just writing to myself hah. how sad is that? i dunno anywho. i guess i'm done writing for now. later!