an eeyore kind of day

its not blah outside but i feel like eeyore. not that i care if its blah outside or not.

i guess a lot of things are happening all at once. i have a headache and i don't feel good. but i also  am just down.

along with all the family crap. which has sort of subsided. seems like my grandma only wants to call to see if she can stir up something with my mom and when it doesn't work then she doesn't call. haven't heard from her in a week.  which is probably better since they don't have anything good to say.

i just feel numb today.

i miss people, i miss friends who have seemed to cut me out of their lives. my best friend colin doesn't tell me anything and all of a sudden hes in a relationship with some girl but he doesn't talk to me. doesn't reply to my messages. and i had bad dreams last night about how he didn't care and left me out in the cold. and it just kills me. i've known him for almost 3 years. and i dunno why hes not talking to me. its sad.

there is micah who i've also known for almost the same amount of time. him colin and i and some others got robbed at gunpoint together so you'd think that'd be a huge bond. but he doesn't reply to me either. its just sad these people who were my best friends.  i dunno they seem to be vanished.

another one mike he was a big part of my life and we don't talk at all now. i dunno what happened. did i do something? blah. i've lost so many friendships i dunno why or where or how it all happened but it makes my heart super sad right now.

then there is a situation right now with someone which is annoying me but i know she is doing the same to our other friends.

i just don't know a whole lot right now. i'm frustrated, i'm tired, i'm sad. yeah i have things to be grateful for in the big picture but a person also needs people. and the ones that were most important to me are lost somewhere. it makes me really sad. i'm really irritable right now and i just want to cry. i'm so annoyed in general. i dunno.

maybe i should just lose myself in a book again. i've been reading the one i am reading for 3 days i'm almost done. i read books so fast its scary sometimes. ah well at least i have my books.

i really miss bloom chat. i miss the ladies i bonded with. cause now i'm not around when they are and there is no way for us to really chat. but i can't change that either. blahhhhh.