an eeyore kind of day

its not blah outside but i feel like eeyore. not that i care if its blah outside or not.

i guess a lot of things are happening all at once. i have a headache and i don't feel good. but i also  am just down.

along with all the family crap. which has sort of subsided. seems like my grandma only wants to call to see if she can stir up something with my mom and when it doesn't work then she doesn't call. haven't heard from her in a week.  which is probably better since they don't have anything good to say.

i just feel numb today.

i miss people, i miss friends who have seemed to cut me out of their lives. my best friend colin doesn't tell me anything and all of a sudden hes in a relationship with some girl but he doesn't talk to me. doesn't reply to my messages. and i had bad dreams last night about how he didn't care and left me out in the cold. and it just kills me. i've known him for almost 3 years. and i dunno why hes not talking to me. its sad.

there is micah who i've also known for almost the same amount of time. him colin and i and some others got robbed at gunpoint together so you'd think that'd be a huge bond. but he doesn't reply to me either. its just sad these people who were my best friends.  i dunno they seem to be vanished.

another one mike he was a big part of my life and we don't talk at all now. i dunno what happened. did i do something? blah. i've lost so many friendships i dunno why or where or how it all happened but it makes my heart super sad right now.

then there is a situation right now with someone which is annoying me but i know she is doing the same to our other friends.

i just don't know a whole lot right now. i'm frustrated, i'm tired, i'm sad. yeah i have things to be grateful for in the big picture but a person also needs people. and the ones that were most important to me are lost somewhere. it makes me really sad. i'm really irritable right now and i just want to cry. i'm so annoyed in general. i dunno.

maybe i should just lose myself in a book again. i've been reading the one i am reading for 3 days i'm almost done. i read books so fast its scary sometimes. ah well at least i have my books.

i really miss bloom chat. i miss the ladies i bonded with. cause now i'm not around when they are and there is no way for us to really chat. but i can't change that either. blahhhhh.

Book Review - Deadly Disclosures by Julie Cave

This book follows the investigation of abductions, murders and the like. and boy it was good. it was kinda hard to follow at times cause of the evolution and the political mess of some of the characters. and it had a whole mess of people in it. ones that had drinking problems, and ones that were just plain crazy! you get the whole picture in this its like an episode of CSI! it wasn't necessarily my favorite book but it was good. i'm interested in what happens with the next book in the series. the curiosity i have might get the best of me haha. if you want to  pick up   Deadly Disclosures (Dinah Harris Mystery) just click the link. i want to thank new leaf for providing the book so i could review it!

"A Suspense-filled fiction mystery which answers an ominous question: How far will some go to silence an influential Christian voice? FBI agent Dinah Harris now has a missing person's file to go along with a bad case of alcohol abuse and the depression she cannot seem to shake. Fighting to keep her focus, she struggles to find answers for why Thomas Whitfield, the prominent Secretary of the Smithsonian has vanished from his office with foul play almost guaranteed. Whitfield's body is eventually found, and Dinah is drawn into a frightening conspiracy, as more people begin to die, and Whitfield's faith is revealed as part of the motive behind his murder. Dinah finds troubling answers in an academic world filled with powerful financial endowments and a virulent opposition to the faith Whitfield only recently found. Can she reveal the truth before she finds herself the next silenced victim of a ruthless, unseen enemy?"

will the madness ever end?

sitting here just listening to the rain outside. i have my window open and its peaceful. horse feathers playing and rain. good times.

i am not quite sure what to think or feel right now. yesterday my grandma was trying to stir the pot and i don't know why. she needs to just stop talking and stop being nasty to her own flesh and blood. and i feel so done. i don't know why you have to act like that. it is not called for. there was some drama with the estate sale. for one there were lots of storage sheds there which i had no idea about. but the estate people got the go ahead to go through them cause there was junk in them. but my aunt knew there was stuff in there and didn't say anything. and there were pictures in there and now they are most likely gone. even if they are family pictures its just gone and its so frustrating.

its so baffling that people can be like that. grandmas motto right now is "i didn't know" she says that about every situation lately and she DOES know. she is trying to look like the innocent one. and also says thats what my aunt gets for being and honest person. if she was honest she would have said something beforehand about what was in that shed. but she wanted it for herself. and now its all gone. its almost so numbing to think about this. cause i wish i didn't have to, i wish we didn't have to talk about it, or see them at all. i'm so done with all of this mess. and these people i'm done i can't do it much longer. these are sides to these people that i wish i never would have seen. its so heart breaking. but this family is divided even worse than before and i don't think we can recover from it. i don't know what to say. my cousin is coming over tomorrow and we'll see what she has to say about it all. its just really sad.

but at the same time i guess it shows how people really are. at least we don't have to go on thinking someone is one way and knowing they are another. at least we know all of it now.

that is until someone else says something we don't know.. i dunno if this will ever end. but i hope it does. its much more peaceful when we don't have people calling every five seconds.

i've had a very busy last few weeks so today i just caught up on a lot of greys anatomy and thought of all the craft projects i am doing. i worked on my blanket some. and i have  alot of hats i need to make for people. so that will be fun. its almost like therapy. crocheting = love. thats all i have for now.

in the mail..

i LOVE to get mail i mean who doesn't? right?! i love the smell of new books of opening the packages. and i dunno there is just something about it that is so happy!  so here is what i've gotten in the mail recently. well i have gotten books but those are not what i'm gonna show you.


from CSN Stores i received this:

and i have to say it is SO pretty. its a little darker in person. that picture is kind of light. but it is beautiful. it is the perfect size. and boy shipping was SO fast i swear i got it in two days so that was amazing. i love the bright colors of it. and it also has snaps on the sides so it can be smaller or bigger. has a pretty big zip pocket in the inside which is great for little things like cell phone and chapstick. all in all its amazing and i love it! CSN has such a great selection for purses maybe too good of a selection cause some of them are pretty spendy. this one is super affordable and it is just awesome all around.

another thing i got was some post cards from http://www.simplecard.com/ they are so cute. i made them as thank you cards and i'll be excited to use them. thank you christina for contacting me!  i wish i could show and image of what they look like. but i'm lazy and don't want to take a picture. but they have such cute cards there. you can get greeting cards or postcards. even upload a picture and make your own!

next thing i got in the mail was a camera bag! i bought this and its amazing :

its SO nice i love it. its from http://lowepro.com i had wanted a different one. one that was patterned i had found a polka dot one cause i'm crazy like that but i just couldn't find it in stock anywhere. so my dad looked around. i didn't want a black one for one thing my dogs hair would get all over that in a second and it would look disgusting. but i wanted a bright color. so i found this and i LOVE it. i got it yesterday and i have to say it was darker than i thought. but i love it a lot. i can't wait to put my dslr into it. and carry it around for picture taking opportunities! yay! so that is what i've gotten in the mail lately. hope you enjoy it!

i found my escape

things are still sorta mehish but i mean it is what it is. my mom had finally called my grandma cause shes tired of the tension. but its still there and grandma still hasn't called on her own will. she did call today to leave a message about the estate sale. not that it matters she had such an attitude. i don't care about the estate sale. why would i? i don't care about the money i don't get it anyways.  i dunno i just will never understand her. and why she always has to say things with such an attitude. apparently shes on the "black list" with most of the family and  she figures if she doesn't talk she can't get in trouble. she has also said something about donating all her stuff to red cross so no one can fight over it when shes gone. but shes the only one that was fighting over the stuff. who knows what is wrong with her. oi. it gives me a headache.

haven't done anything with the pictures yet which is probably better. cause its so stressful. one thing at a time. and my mom and i have been getting so full of anxiety lately with all of that its better to just step back and not do it at the moment. its almost too much to handle.

that said i've been doing a lot better. and the boy and i have been fighting so much less. we've had a really good week i think. we went on adventures to the fremont market. we went to brickcon which is a lego expo basically. went to pike place market and took  a lot of pictures. on wednesday after i was off. we went adventuring again! we are so into photography right now. i just got a digital slr and so i have been playing around with it. i don't know much about any of it right now but i like to take pictures and that click when you take a picture is SO satisfying haha. i'm such an idiot but i love it.

i got to read again, which is good cause i need that as an escape sometimes. it calms me. plus i have a HUGE pile of review books. oh boy but this oen i started yesterday i'm whipping through. its so amazing. i also have a lot of review posts to write. but again life has been insane. i feel like i have had no time at allt his week. which is true. this and last week were busy for watching the kids. i think next week will be like that too. which is good cause its money but its also exhausting. yesterday i almost fell asleep. true one was napping but still boy i was so exhausted. but its a fun job. so i guess i can't complain. callies new phrase is "oh that is so CUTE!" and she said "for goodness sake amy" the other day haha the kid cracks me up. 2 year olds are so fun.

also went to church sunday and it wasn't bad. i actually feel a lot bettr about things now. they are changing but in a better way and its good cause the person i was super apprehensive about running things isn't running it anymore.

also the boy needs prayer we need to find him a job asap money is running out and unemployment is being a goober cause the slimy boss of his is disputing his claim and ugh its just a huge mess. and i'm stressed but at least we aren't fighting.

anyways i should go write my other entries and go through my millions of pictures i took. goood times.

Book Review - Solitary by Travis Thrasher

have you ever been scared? how about lonely? how about in the crazy scary woods? did you like the adventure? well this might be the book for you. this combines all of that plus some spirituality and a whole bunch of mystery and confusion. Solitary is the name of the book but is also the name of the town in the book, set in north carolina. it follows a mixture of characters. the main one is chris and the other is a girl. typical huh? but really it takes you places you wouldn't have thought. and honestly this is a really fast read even if it is 400 pages long. i haven't been reading much since my family stuff started. which is a good and bad thing. mostly bad but i found so much peace in just sitting to read a book. really took my mind off things. but this was such a fast read haha it was basically over as soon as i started it. here is the description i hope you will pick it up Solitary: A Novel (Solitary Tales Series)

"His Loneliness Will Soon Turn to Fear….

When Chris Buckley moves to Solitary, North Carolina, he faces the reality of his parents’ divorce, a school full of nameless faces—and Jocelyn Evans. Jocelyn is beautiful and mysterious enough to leave Chris speechless. But the more Jocelyn resists him, the more the two are drawn together.

Chris soon learns that Jocelyn has secrets as deep as the town itself. Secrets more terrifying than the bullies he faces in the locker room or his mother’s unexplained nightmares. He slowly begins to understand the horrific answers. The question is whether he can save Jocelyn in time.

This first book in the Solitary Tales series will take you from the cold halls of high school to the dark rooms of an abandoned cabin—and remind you what it means to believe in what you cannot see..."

Book Review - A Memory Between Us by Sarah Sundin

I read the book before this as a look into the series. and i really liked that one but i couldn't get through this one unfortunately. it just was pretty boring to me. it made me sad that they didn't follow the previous characters. but i dunno if that went on later in the book. i couldn't get into this at all. i hope other people will love it. but i just couldn't do it. it may be my constant jumping from book to book but i dunno. i couldn't finish it. it did make me pretty sad cause i was excited to read/review it. but it happens. can't like every book i guess.

well here is the description of  Memory Between Us, A: A Novel (Wings of Glory). also a contest down below!

"Major Jack Novak has never failed to meet a challenge--until he meets army nurse Lieutenant Ruth Doherty. When Jack lands in the army hospital after a plane crash, he makes winning Ruth's heart a top priority mission. But he has his work cut out for him. Not only is Ruth focused on her work in order to support her orphaned siblings back home, she carries a shameful secret that keeps her from giving her heart to any man. Can Jack break down her defenses? Or are they destined to go their separate ways? A Memory Between Us is the second book in the WINGS OF GLORY series, which follows the three Novak brothers, B-17 bomber pilots with the US Eighth Air Force stationed in England during World War II."





Sarah Sundin presents The Movies and Memories Giveaway in honor of
book 2 in the Wings of Glory series. A Memory Between Us is available for purchase wherever fine books are sold.
From the English countryside to the perilous skies over France, A Memory
Between Us takes you on a journey through love, forgiveness, and sacrifice.



To celebrate Sarah is giving one lucky winner A Movie and Memory Prize
Package! One grand prize winner will receive:

* Make-your-own-photo book from Mypublisher.com (Capture your own
Memories)

* Netflix Subscription (New or Nostalgic Movies delivered right to your house)

* Starbucks gift card (To keep your engine revvin’)

*Gourmet chocolate (A favorite in the 1940’s and now)

* British specialty teas in carved wooden box (Timeless tradition)

* Miniature model of a B-17 Flying Fortress bomber & C-47 cargo plane
(Everyone needs a few toy planes)

*Big Band music CD (Break out your dancing shoes)

* WWII authentic poster playing cards (Cards – a perfect game for two)

* Keep Calm and Carry On (Uplifting sayings WWII, a boost for troubled times)

To enter simple click on the icons below (contest runs 9/27 - 10/17!)